Men's Corner

The Indecisive Perfect Guy

By Kiran Anthony David

The following is a thread of tweets done by Kiran Anthony David on relationships and why it all falls apart before it’s even started. ENJOY!!!!

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Okay I’m having a conversation with a friend and honestly I feel impressed to do this thread for girls on… “The Indecisive Perfect Guy”

Girls I’m sure a lot of you can relate to having dealt with or are dealing with this guy. I’m gonna break him down and give you cheat codes.
So!

You meet this guy via Twitter or life or whatever… Seems cool enough. Not sexy, not ugly. But attractive.. Carries himself well.

In fact he carries himself very well.. So he appears even more attractive to you. Good dress sense, smart, not tryna be the next J. Cole.

Ya’ll start talking and the vibe is DOPE. Like ya’ll connect. Convo flows. He’s really easy to talk to. Texts back timely. The whole 9.

Y’all go out. He’s amazing. You have a great time. Perfect gentleman. Everything is lit. Y’all go out again. More of the same.

So now you HYPE… You got you a fine dude (he upgraded in your head because he’s not weird or awkward) and y’all really starting to gel.

He’s a real gentleman so he doesn’t even bring up sex. You thinking you caught yourself a good one. And you have…

Then… It happens.

You text one day and he replies slower than usual… JUST… Slow enough where you can tell something is off with you two’s energy…

He doesn’t call as often.. He’s not as hyped to talk to you. He still likes you you know. But you can feel this sense of doubt on him.

This could be weeks in or months in… But you can tell something ain’t right. You think he got a girl on the side.. But nah. That ain’t it.

You hit him up. No reply. All of a sudden he’s busy. “BOY you wasn’t busy when we was cuddling and you were selling me dreams?” -You

He had you thinking you wife material. He seen ya best makeup blend and dress combo. Y’all might even have had sex.. Now he switching up.

So you being you… You hit your girls up and of course they don’t help. Like you know they can’t really help but you need to vent…

You “dang” near ready to drop this fool and sue him for time wasting. But he hits you up. “Sorry love I’ve been really busy lately.”

He finesses you with words. They sound reasonable but you don’t buy it. He’s sus now But you go along with it cuz… Feelings.

He probably said: -He’s been busy -Work stuff -Family issues -Needed to think -Really like you and I don’t wanna ruin it too fast.

You explain that he can’t be inconsistent.. He says he understands. You know what you want and you thought he did too. Now it’s different.

You’re now annoyed because either sexually or emotionally you’ve let him in and now he’s unsure. Why would he even waste your time? Like.

He went from a stranger to a genuine interest… To an amazing guy… To… Man he’s serious about me.. To….. “Wait now he don’t know?”

And it usually ends two ways… He dates you out of internal pressure he never told you about… Or ya’ll have to fall off.

The first one sucks. He convinces himself he knows what he wants and convinces you too. Ya’ll date but he never fully emotionally commits.

The feeling comes. Usually way earlier than we tell ya’ll about. It’s unexplainable… It’s this feeling of doubt. This “What If” feeling.

We try to ignore it but we can’t.. By now you done told us how much you like us and where you see us going and how you gonna make us better.

And we know you’re serious. The issue is now we regret selling you dreams cuz… Maybe we need to slow down… You did NOTHING WRONG.

Guys.. Just take longer to develop those permanent feelings. We spoke to you based on temp feelings and now.. We need time. Lol. Time.

The thing where we need time is genuinely true. It ain’t a front. But it turns a future relationship into a situationship REAL QUICK.

We need time to make sure the dreams we sold you based on temporary feelings can actually be for real… But.. We feel pressured. Honestly.

If not by you then by society. If not by Society then by friends. If not by friends then by TV/culture. And by now we just want you happy.

Y’all make memories, moments, he meets fam, friends. You like… all the way in love. He thinks he is but deep down he’s always had doubts.

The day comes where he makes some “bullshit” excuse to break up. You heartbroken. He hurt too… ONLY because he hurt you. Not cuz ya’ll broke up.

OR y’all fell off before you end up dating. In the back of your head you’re like why and what if? It’s annoying that you wasted time.
SO.. Ya’ll reading this thread..

Sounds eerily familiar right?
So what happened? Where did you go wrong? Why he switch up. Let’s find out.

BOOM let’s back track. You were always fine as hell to him. When ya’ll started talking the plan was ALWAYS not to play any games.

WE (most of us guys) never plan to break hearts and play or just have sex and dip. The plan.. Was.. Always for you to be the one. Serious.

The vibe is AMAZING. Like real dope. Everything is great. You’re so mature, so put together… We can’t believe you like our ugly selves to be honest.

We go on dates, get to know each other.. It’s lit. We so hyped off the connection we start speaking from our emotions. Also Known As- selling dreams.

Thing is they’re not dreams.. We want this to happen… We legit see you as our girl… Our future wife. All that. So we are not lying.

And because we’re not lying that’s why it’s so easy for you to believe us. It’s all legit.. Everything legit.. But then.. It happens…

So what do we do? We literally tell ourselves… “I’ll handle this emotion later” We convince ourselves we’re ready for stuff we’re not.

We convince ourselves and convince you after that period of uncertainty that we’re good to go. We start dating. You ECSTATIC. You HYPE.

You date to marry. He knows that cuz you keep tweeting about it. So he knows you’re serious. And he’s happy. But deep down….. Man.

Deep down that feeling of uncertainty never left. Because we didn’t deal with it properly. And with EVERY day that goes by it gets stronger.

By the time we break up. Or fall off or whatever.. We’ve already mentally broken up. Or physically (cheated) Because of that feeling.

The plan was NEVER to break your heart or waste your time. But because no one ever taught us how to handle that feeling. It went bad.

So….. Guys? Sounds familiar. Girls? Sounds familiar. How does the guy go about fixing it? Let’s explain that and then that’s it.

LADIES: There. Is. Nothing. You. Can. Do. To. Make. That. Feeling. Go. Away. For. Him. Stop. Blaming. Yourselves. For. His. Flaws.

You cook better then his Momma. Your head game A1. You pray for him. You iron his clothes. None of that matter for a guy who’s not ready.

And then when ya’ll breakup you spend days tryna figure out what you did wrong. It wasn’t you Sharon it wasn’t you. It’s okay. 🙏🏾

So if it wasn’t you ladies? How does the guy fix it… HERE. IT. IS. YA’LL READY?

LOVE IS A DECISION. Not just an emotion. Boom.

Guys subconsciously have been taught that love is an emotion. That everything has to “feel” a certain way. It’s wrong and deadly.

Love is a DECISION. He has to decide to love you. The only way that feeling will ever be handled is if he makes the decision.

He has to face that uncertainty and say…. “I’ve decided to love.” Because emotions are far too wishy-washy to make permanent decisions.

When he reaches a level of maturity where he decides to love. THAT… Is when you have a man (emotionally) ready to date and marry.

So.. If you’re in one of those relationship or have been. That’s typically what happened… I’d advise you to TALK with your man about this.

It’s not an easy talk. Especially cuz he won’t wanna admit to you that that’s what is happening/happened. But it is SO necessary.

Get a man who wakes up every day and decides to love you. And everything won’t be peaches… But you know it won’t be a waste of time.
Hope I helped. Bless you. 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

Follow Kiran On Twitter @nonprophet_

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